journal entry #82

i am going to continue the story,
my name is antoro, i am a proffesional assassin,
i hear the people are massin,
protesting what you want to do,
thats why you called, what i do is through and through,
what do you want me to accomplish,
do i have an accomplace,
the man in the business suit leans over and whispers in his ear,
tell me the things i wan tto hear,
antoro says i will do anything that you wish,
my dearest loyalty you will wish,
he says, see all of those protestors out there,
their burden i will not bear,
i want him dead, i want Jason dead,
just shoot him in the fucking head,
i want it to be an accident, if you know what i mean,
if you do it right ill give you the rest of the green,
you have already recieved half, otherwise you wouldnt be here,
antoro says when should i be there,
he says, tomorrow five o clock,
antoro says done,
tommorrow comes.

journal entry #81

today was a great day. i went to a ropes course and i really liked it. it was nuts. i remember so much from when i wa syoung. making everybody gather togerther. i didnt think i could be a leader. it i sa diffucult job, but i can learn how to do it. i like being able to do it, it i s a worthy skill. we had to get ten peo;ple from one end of a rope to another and it wasnt taut, so it was horrible. i feel great about all o f this. i feel like i am a little closer to everyone and i do not feel like doing this. my head feels like i tis filled with air. i t sucks, i feel like lisette acts all of the time. i am really bored. i want to do something. i am watching law and order. and i think that i am going to go. so i guess this is bye bye.

journal entry #80

another shard of the story, i have no clue where i am going with this story yet, so i will connect all of hte loos ends of the story when i get an idea
the spaceship is silently sitting on the horizon, waiting for the wave to come,
the duty of defending earth is not for some,
gross things that have no eyes,
how they kill is a surprise,
noone who has seen one can tell the tale,
all of the survivors always pale,
like they are stuck in a constant state of shock,
white as a new sock,
nobody knows why, nobody will,
they are constantly delusional every second of everyday,
eh i am not into continuing this right now so i might develop part of this later. i had a really good weekend, i did alot of stuff. but the biggest thing i was surprised about was when i started talking to this girl. her name is shelby. just writing the name makes shivers down my spine. she is the only woman that makes me think of wha ti say before i say it.it is crazy. i actually get nervous when i am talking to her, when she is in the same room. i dont know why, but i have a major crush on her. look i dont fall in love, or have little cute crushes. ever. that is not me. she is just so different and so much better, damn i cant stop thinking abotu her. i dont say this stuff ever, i am glad that noone reads this either, including kip. well i got to go. peace out.,

journal entry #79

another part to the long story
the men, silas and his wife Keylinda ride off to find their bounty,
but they are not just doing it for the bounty,
the bounty will only get them from rock bottom,
the man they were after got him,
he tricked him into doing something that he didnt want to do,
the lights suddenly grew dim,
all the manipulation, the bullshit, he was through,
he knew they were here, after him again,
and now he must kill him, he knew this now,
he didnt know when, he didnt know how,
these seeds of evil, this man sowed,
he cannot see them even though he knows they are there,
the minions that need to clean up the job,
he knows what to do when it comes to the game of fear,
when it comes to fighting in the open hes a slob,
his name an oxymoron, the man is also the same,
christian, the savior, the leader, is his name,
finish it later.

journal entry #78

another fragment of the story c0mes into place,
way back when a young boy had some faith,
believed in his father and that his path was true,
that in life he knew what to do,
he had it all planned out, he he could see himself places,
he rehearsed it through and through,
but there was one he didnt factor into his life plan,
his father, what it was to be a man,
would turn around and sell him out,
rip his heart and soul out,
take his entire whole out,
tread on his trust,
his death is a must,
it is a burning insignia in the back of my mind,
the evil thoughts, it must be a sign,
i think he poisioned me, the room is starting to swirl,
my stomach is in knots, i am about to hurl,
i feel my conscious slipping away,
i start moving, i start to sway,
i can fel the fire burning through my veins,
its moving closer to my head, pump by pump,
i hear a faint, distant thump,
i turn around, my vision fading,
i see the door vibrate like someone is breaking in,
as the burning comes closer to my head i am debating,
my father has surely committed a sin,
i can feel the pain from within,
as the burning reaches my head i am falling away,
i see one last memory, blurred and sloppy,
i think this is my last day,
i see someone burst through the door,
at the same time i hit the floor,
i feel warm liquid burst from my head,
i got to mutter i think i am dead,
before my final conscoiusness died away,
all black nothing more to say.

journal entry #78

another fragment of the story c0mes into place,
way back when a young boy had some faith,
believed in his father and that his path was true,
that in life he knew what to do,
he had it all planned out, he he could see himself places,
he rehearsed it through and through,
but there was one he didnt factor into his life plan,
his father, what it was to be a man,
would turn around and sell him out,
rip his heart and soul out,
take his entire whole out,
tread on his trust,
his death is a must,
it is a burning insignia in the back of my mind,
the evil thoughts, it must be a sign,
i think he poisioned me, the room is starting to swirl,
my stomach is in knots, i am about to hurl,
i feel my conscious slipping away,
i start moving, i start to sway,
i can fel the fire burning through my veins,
its moving closer to my head, pump by pump,
i hear a faint, distant thump,
i turn around, my vision fading,
i see the door vibrate like someone is breaking in,
as the burning comes closer to my head i am debating,
my father has surely committed a sin,
i can feel the pain from within,
as the burning reaches my head i am falling away,
i see one last memory, blurred and sloppy,
i think this is my last day,
i see someone burst through the door,
at the same time i hit the floor,
i feel warm liquid burst from my head,
i got to mutter i think i am dead,
before my final conscoiusness died away,
all black nothing more to say.

journal entry #77

i am going to continue my poem now.
right now i am sitting in my brothers living room wiping the blood from my face,
i stop for a second to think "whoa, this is a nice place",
the year is 2020, i am 30,
and right now i feel so goddamn dirty,
i just killed four men, with children and families,
but damn it felt good, i feel so manly,
my conscience split in two, i dont know what to do,
i feel extreme guilt and extreme pleasure,
my feelings changing like the crappy weather,
i continue telling the story, and if you are not, ill treat you the same,
are you with me ? are you game?
my brother says yes, of course i will help you.

journal entry #76

boredome sucks. i am really bored. i am watching law and order and they are trying to figure out why the maid commited suicide. and the police are assholes, like the real ones. they incriminate eveyone, guilty until proven innocent is their policy. yeah, cops suck alot. i want to write poetry but my dad is watching and i would feel weird with my papa reading it. i love the freaking guitar. i want to play it right now. i wan tot be the best, but it will be alot of work. i truly believe i can do it... but i have to work constantly. the best teacher is the one that is always learning, and if i am teaching myself, then i am going to learn alot too. i have to keep on working on it, i have to. man, i miss my guitar right now. it is all tha ti want to do. i feel like doing nothing else, but i dont hav ea choice right now. the mos timportant thing i have to do right now is my schoolwork. if i dont thel life will be miserable for me, especially for summer. i need to grab the day and do something with it. i really do. if i do not, then there will be no time to do anything, becaus emy life will be over. if i dont use what i have on this earth, then i will have nothing. i see it as half full though, the glass? i will do good, i will be the best.

journal entry #75

whatup ma nigga? yeah, whitey in tha hizzouse. you know if i keep saying that i am going to get batted. i am really burred, so i am going to write some poetry
sitting in my living room,
getting ready for sleep,
my impending doom,
makes me feel weak,
they are coming coming for me, knocking at my door,
i grab my gun and hit the floor,
i am not going to take this anymore,
they rap again, a little louder,
i wait, they knock down the door,
the sound of firing gunpowder,
fills the air and i feel something peirce my shoulder,
all of a sudden, i feel much bolder,
im not getting out of this alive, i know it,
so ill take as many of you with you as i can,
i grab one of them he says"oh shit"
use him for a shield, get to cover, throw a grenade at his brother,
he screams no as i slit his throat,
toom uch blood, i need a boat,
it explodes.
this is how it starts,this is where innocence ends,
this is where it matters if youre my friend,
if we truly are brothers, bound by blood and by love,
you would help me with all of the above.
ill finish this later.

journal entry #74

hey guys, another journal entry. i am bored, and i am getting yelled at profusely by my dad for not getting all of my schoolwork done. the usual. anyways, besides that i am pretty content. i just tried to learn this song i tried before but couldnt do, and now i am much better at doing it. now i can do it much better, but my dad interrrupted my work to tell me to do this journal entry. i am glad he said for me to, i would have ignored it. i really would have. i think i like to write poetry, but i dont. and after this journal entry i have to wasjh my face. what i am going to do after this is look up 10 possible volunteer sites and...scratch that i am going to do some of my autobiography tonight and i am going to do some of it tomorrow, hopefully i get it done. if not i am going to work on it this week. you know, for the past week, i have been on a crappy mood, but i am not the type of person to stay in a slump. so i am going to do my work very shortly and get on with my life. who am i not to use wha ti was blessed with, really, who am i? i hav ebeen fucking retarded in the past. but not anymore, i dont want to be retarded. its easy, but anything that is worth doing in life is hard, and it makes lifes rewards much sweeter.

journal entry #73

hey guys, i am bored and my hands are very cold. i need to do something, because i am going crazy. i am really really bored. and i am just trying to fill space. i think my dad is home. so i am going to try to type as fast as i can in order to do say i did something so i dont get in trouble. but i dont think i will have enough time to do it. but i will try valiantly. hey, i am one fourth of the way done, whohoo. yeah i am watching mythbusters roight now and they are busting myths. suprising, huh? yeah i know its cool. dude, my dad is really home. i just heard him cough.my dad is doing something, but i do no tknow what... oh wait, he is homw now. he is goign to take a shower and he is going to leave after the takes a shower. yeah, right now ia m bored. my dad just turned oon the shower ans now he is oging in the shower. and right now ia m watching a new episode of mythbusters. do you know hwat they are doing? they are busting myths. suprising, huh? well i thjink i am going to gl veryt shortly. i am bored. i want to lplay morrowind. i really do.. and my fingers are freezing. i think i am losing my mind. i am going crazy. i am also bored. i wan tto do something peace out.

journal entry #73

i am very bored. and i am bored, not to mention i am bored. i dont want to do this, so i will so i can pass fucking school. school annoys me. i still don know wha ti wan tto do with my life. i want to do something big, but i do not know what yet. ughh. i am bored. and io think this font is bigger than usual. it feels like i am not writing as much, in fact i am pretty damn sure that this font is too big. all i usually do is fill the box and that is enough, but i think i cant do that anymore. so, therefore it makes my job harder, but enough about bitching. well, i guess there is nothing else to do but bitch and make myself feel a litle mor eimportant. maybe somebody is listening. maybe not. i dont really care either way, as long as i get my quota in.

journal entry #73

hey guys, another journal entry. i am really bored. and i just banged my knee really hard. so i am in pain and i am bored. i want to get more work done. why do i waste so much time. i have no clue, i wish i knew. i need to stop wasting time. it will end up doing me in. but i have another problem. i do not know what to do with my life. i wish i knew. the best i can do is search for it. i am scared. i dont know if i can accomplish the task ahead of me. but i am hopeful. i am also scared that my hope will be crushed. i remember how bad it is when all of your hopes and dreams come crashing down, and it is bad. so bad, in fact, that i am scared of it. but there is nothing to fear, really. everybody falls down, nobody starts good at realationships. i havve a question: is this entry smaller than normal, the font seems bigger.

for the lincoln park thingummy

dude, people are annoying, and the goldfish are going to die. today was fun. i enjoyed goign for manhunt. poeple are annoying when they sing. it makes me angered. i ask them to stop and they dont. i am going to fuicking kill them someday. if they respected my space and didnt sing all the fucking time, it would be okay. and the worst part is that they know what the fuck they are doing, but they wont do it. i am going to kill them, i swear. i will. right now ii am very irate. the people are