journal entry #65

hey, i feel like shit right now, i really do. right now, life sucks. my dad loves himself more than he loves me, and it hurts. when i was a little kid, all i could think about was when he used to drink how much i hated it. now i can ti e that with the fact that he cares moire BOUT HIS ADDICTIONS AND NEEDS than he does me. to him, i am not so much a person as i am his son. he is proud of me, i know that, and i appreciate that, but he doesnt even know ahtat much about me, and for that matter, he doesnt really care.he doesnt take time out of his day to get to know me, he just says, do your work! that is all he cares about, my work. he cares more about what i do than he caes about me as a person. he doesnt realize that i am still too immature to deal with all of the responsibilities i have to deal with and i thin that only time will change that. i need to be able to asess myself and think about what i am doing in the day constantly, and i miss all of the people in the advisory. dude, when i get down deep inside of me, i am really, really fucked up inside. i need to get better, but i need to either seperate myself from my dad, or i need to talk with him and get things all sorted out, i believe that he cares about me enough to listen to me and comprimise with me until we come to an agreement, but if not, i got three years until i can live on my own.